All Things End: Part 45

Chapter 45: Hamburgers And Coffee

Ten minutes out in the rain and Courage was already chilled and deeply soaked to the bone. At this rate, his fever really would start acting up again. He was beginning to hate the rain and everything about it. Above all else, he was getting tired of his fur feeling so mushy. It made his skin itch and he kept feeling weighed down by it, which only made his muscles even more tired.

“I thought you said this place was close?” Computer asked, shivering beside him.

“It is! Stop complaining and keep moving!” He answered.

“I wasn't complaining, you twit!” The machine sharply shot back, crossing his arms as he did so.

Several minutes later and they were still walking. Courage was just about to give up and let his stomach eat itself when he finally saw the sign that he had been looking for glowing brightly in the distance. It was like a beacon of hope guiding him through the darkness. His stomach would no longer have to commit suicide!

The sign in question read,

Burgers!
Really Cheap!

“Wait, wait, wait.” Computer spoke, stopping in his tracks. “Isn't this that place where you thought the owners were cannib-”

“Food! Hungry! Now!” Was all Courage uttered out, cutting the glowing dog off. He hadn't stopped moving and Computer was slowly falling behind. His mouth was absolutely watering now and no whiny machine was going to stand between him and his meal!

Computer shrugged, partly confused and partly annoyed, but he did not argue further with Courage or his stomach.

Truthfully, Courage really did used to be afraid of this place. He'd originally thought that he and Eustace were going to be captured and eaten by the owners, and after escaping by himself it'd been quite a shock when the old farmer had showed up later that night, whole and very much not eaten. Unfortunately for him, Eustace had decided to make the restaurant his new favorite place to eat. It wasn't long before he was dragged back and found out that everything he had thought about the strange burger joint was just one big misconception. The place still gave him the creeps, yes, but he'd still go in willingly whenever Eustace stopped by.

The rain was beginning to pick up to an even more vicious pace. It coming down in massive sheets and the wind was blowing so hard that it nearly knocked both dogs off their feet. Courage was beginning to worry that it would start to storm as badly as it did back in the forest. He had to keep a paw raised in front of his face just to be able to keep his eyes open. The glowing sign remained the one and only beacon in the darkness that they could reliably follow. He could see the diner now as well, as its windows seemed to glow in the ever deepening darkness.

After what felt like hours, they finally made it across the expanse that separated them from the building. They crossed the road with no difficulties and Courage couldn't have been any happier when he wrench the diner door open and tumbled inside. The door stood open, blowing in the wind for several seconds, before closing again with a loud 'thump'. All the raging elements outside were reduced to nothing more than an eerie howling. He immediately went over and sat down at the counter. There were no other customers around, but he didn't mind. Just so long as he could eat in peace, he didn't care who or what else showed up to eat as well.

Computer was still standing by the door, dripping water down onto the 'welcome' mat. He was looking very unsure of himself and he did not budge from the spot until Courage finally beckoned at him to come over. The glowing dog gave him a look that screamed the words, 'I really don't want to be here right now!' and then walked up to the counter. Upon seating himself, he glanced up and down the diner, as if he were expecting something bad to happen.

Several minutes of waiting later, Jean Bon, the owner of the diner, came walking out from the kitchen. The large pig looked down at Courage and his face lit up. “Well, if it ain't Eustace's little doggy! I haven't seen that grumpy ol' coot in ages! What's the old man been up to lately?” He asked in his characteristic, overly loud voice.

Courage opened his mouth to respond, but the pig moved on to another subject before he could give him an answer.

“And you've brought a new friend too! Eh, why's he all glowy like that?”

Now it was Computer's turn to try and speak, but Courage cut him off before he could. “Radiation! Lots of radiation! He fell into a pool of toxic waste as a pup!”

Computer just stared, stupefied at hearing such an idiotic reason for why he glowed.

Jean Bon seemed to find this absolutely hilarious though. “I should show 'em to my wife! She'd get a kick out of this! 'Frade she can't make much out of him though! Radiation wouldn't be good for all that meat!”

“I can see why you thought these guys were cannibals...” Computer muttered out under his breath.

Jean Bon went on without stopping even once. He whipping out a piece of paper to take their order. “So, what would you two like?”

Courage's mouth was already watering at the thought of finally getting some food into his stomach. “Hamburgers! Lots and lots of hamburgers!” He answered, licking his lips in anticipation.

“And what would you like?” He asked Computer.

The machine gave him a halfhearted shrug. His eyes darted to Courage and then back up at the pig, unsure of what to say.

“He'll have a hamburger too.” Courage chimed in.

Having become even more unsure about all of this, Computer seemed to be trying to avoid any extra attention. If he were to sink any lower into his chair, he would have vanished under the counter. While Courage normally would have found this pretty funny, he was so hungry at the moment that he could hardly think about anything else.

The wait for their food was absolute torture. Courage's stomach seemed to be fighting back with a vengeance and now it felt like the hole in his stomach was becoming a ravine. Computer on the other hand seemed to be going pale, which was an amazing feat for someone so blue. What he was so nervous about, Courage wasn't sure, and he didn't bother asking either since he knew that he was probably just going to get a snippy reply anyway.

“Aaaand here they are!” Jean Bon announced, coming back in from the kitchen with two plates. Courage's was absolutely loaded with hamburgers, while Computer's, not so much.

When the wonderful smell hit Courage's nose, he couldn't stop his tongue from flopping out onto the counter. Computer simply looked on with a displeased expression.

“The two of you look half starved. Dunno know what you've been up to, but it must have been rough.” Jean Bon spoke as he placed the plates onto the counter. Courage immediately went to work on his hamburgers.

“Mmmm, mmmm MMMM!” He hummed, chomping down on almost three hamburgers at once. He was so hungry that he just wanted to shove as much food into his mouth as he could fit.

“I'll get another batch goin'.” The jolly pig spoke. “You two enjoy yourselves!”

Courage was on his sixth large hamburger when he noticed that Computer hadn't even touched his. The glowing dog was currently staring at him as though he were witnessing some horribly disgusting act.

“Eeeat ummp.” Courage said with a mouthful of food. He didn't wait another second to start shoveling in two more burgers.

Computer looked as though he were about to be sick.

“Disgusting...” He muttered under his breath.

He looked down at his hamburger and then back up at Courage, as if he were trying to puzzle this whole thing out. Finally, he reached down and picked the hamburger up, and even though it was still in its wrapper, he opened his mouth to take a bite out of it. Courage reached over and grabbed him by his arm before he could do so, however.

“You aren't supposed to eat the wrapper!” He told the confused machine in a harsh whisper.

Computer slammed the hamburger back down onto the plate, looking as though he had very nearly eaten a deadly substance.

“I-I knew that.” He sniffed, trying to save face.

“Come on, Compute! Eating isn't that hard! All you gotta do is chew and swallow! It's easy!” He chomped down onto another hamburger. “Just don't choke!” He added.

The machine picked the hamburger up again and inspected it carefully. “And how does one go about 'not' choking?” He asked.

“You just don't.” Courage answered, shoving another hamburger down his gullet.

“Oh, yeah, that's really helpful!” He spat out, rolling his eyes.

“Stop being a baby and try it! You might end up liking it!”

Computer rolled his eyes again. “Ugh, whatever! I will never understand why you flesh creatures developed the need to eat one other. Down the hatch...I guess.” He sighed.

He took a small bite out of the hamburger and his expression immediately went from sheer annoyance to sheer disgust in two seconds flat. The moment he swallowed the single morsel, he began coughing violently, as if he had just swallowed a can of tar. For a moment Courage thought that he really was choking, but that didn't seem to be the case.

The machine turned in his chair and grabbed Courage by his shoulders. “Twit, am I choking? I-I think I might be! I knew that this was a bad idea! I knew that eating would be awful! Why on earth did I ever go along with this?”

“Computer, you're fine.” Courage replied with a chuckle.

“I-I am?” He asked, blinking. Apparently even now he wasn't certain if he was choking or not.

“You aren't choking to death, I promise.” Courage laughed.

The machine sunk back down into his chair. “That was one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I'm never eating again.” He pushed the plate away, looking thoroughly displeased with it. “That was...disgusting.”

“Eating is the best thing ever!” Courage replied, finishing off his plate by shoving yet another three hamburgers into his mouth. “I wobben't gib it up ferp anyphing!”

“Uh, huh...” Computer drawled, not believing a word of it.

Jean Bon re-entered the diner with two more plates in hand. Courage stared hungrily up at them. Computer turned away, looking pale once more.

“Is something wrong with your burger?” Jean Bon asked.

Computer tried to speak, but Courage cut him off yet again so that he wouldn't say something that might lead the pig into asking even more questions that they could not answer.

“He's a, uh....vegetarian! He never eats meat unless I talk him into it!”

Jean Bon laughed. “Well, if I was all glowy like that, I'd be a vegetarian too! Don't worry pal, we don't got any radiation in our meat!”

The two dogs gave each other confused looks at the pig's strange comment.

“Oh, yeah!” He quickly added. “I almost forgot about your drinks!”

He vanished back inside the kitchen and the two dogs were left alone again. Courage swiped Computer's hamburger and made quick work of that too.

“I can speak for myself, you know.” Computer grumbled, letting his chin rest on the counter.

Jean Bon returned fairly quickly, this time carrying two cups of coffee. He was in as good of humor as ever, this time joking loudly about mutant, radioactive cows and pigs that could fly.

Upon finishing off the third burger on his newest plate of food, Courage flagged the pig down and asked for soda instead of coffee. He hated the stuff. It tasted awful and had always smelled funny to him.

“Sure thing! I'll be right back!” Jean Bon happily obliged.

Computer had been eying down his own cup of coffee for several minutes now. He picked the cup up and stared at the reflective, dark liquid inside. Courage was so busy scarfing down more burgers that he didn't even notice when the machine took a sip.

Ten minutes later and Courage had finished off his third helping of hamburgers. His stomach was bulging at this point and with a loud burp, he announced that he was finished. He ordered a second soda to help wash down the burgers, but he was so full that he honestly didn't think that his stomach could handle it.

“Hey,” Computer spoke up, gesturing at Jean Bon as he came around to give Courage his soda. “I want more of this.” He said, pointing down at his now empty cup of coffee.

“You actually drank that?” Courage asked. “Coffee is disgusting!”

“Are you kidding me, twit? This stuff is great!” He exclaimed. “It's much better than trying to choke down bits of dead cow!”

Courage shook his head. “You won't eat hamburgers but you like coffee? I don't get you sometimes, Compute.”

Jean Bon returned with more coffee and Computer made quick work of the second cup. He immediately ordered another.

“You can't live off coffee, you know.” Courage added.

“I can certainly try!” He replied with a surprisingly happy chuckle.

“Here you go, pal.” Jean Bon spoke, pouring the machine his third cup.

“You may as well stick around.” He told the pig before rapidly gulping down the coffee.

“Ugh...” Courage groaned. “You're not supposed to drink coffee like that! Gulping it down is just gross!”

The machine didn't even bother trying to rebuke him, he simply continued sucking down coffee as fast as Jean Bon could pour it. Courage quietly sipped at his soda for the next few minutes while Computer hit his sixteenth cup of coffee...

“I am not teaching you how to use the bathroom.” He groaned, glancing over at the glowing dog only once before returning to his drink.

“I see that someone is quite the coffee drinker!” Jean Bon laughed as he replenished his pot of coffee for what had to be at least the fifth time. “You're going to get addicted just like all of those teachers and policemen!”

“If this is an addiction then I think I'm going to like addictions.” Computer chuckled, downing yet another cup. “I'm ready for another refill!” He announced.

“Boy, I don't know where you're putting it all!”

As soon as the pig was out of hearing range Computer turned to Courage, empty cup in hand. “Alright twit, I've got to admit that this is probably one of the few good things you organic creatures have ever come up with.”

“It's just coffee...” Courage sighed.

“It's not just coffee, it's like...liquid happiness!” The machine laughed, apparently dead serious.

“Er, are you going to be okay?” Courage asked, raising an eyebrow.

The machine frowned at his question. “Come to think of it, why are you suddenly talking so slowly?” He asked.

Courage fought the urge to slap his forehead. “Alright, that's it! This is the last cup of coffee for you! I'm cutting you off after this!”

“What? You can't tell me what to do! I may never get another chance to keep drinking this stuff!”

“IT'S JUST COFFEE!”

“Ugh, fine!” He relented with a huff. “You're such a-”

Headlights flashed in through the diner window. They both turned around at the same time to get a look at who was parking.

“Oh, no!” Courage gasped.

It was Eustace's truck! There was no mistaking it!

“Here's the next round of coffee!” Jean Bon spoke, tromping back in through the kitchen door.

“We've got to get out of here!” Computer spoke, pulling Courage under the counter so that Eustace could not see them from the window.

“Oh, hey, isn't that Eustace?” Jean Bon asked.

Computer had already pulled Courage out of his chair and was tugging him towards the door that led to the basement.

Courage glanced up at the pig and desperately pleaded, “Don't tell him that we're here!”

For the first time that night, the smile faded from the waiter's face. “Well, if you say so.” He murmured.

As they got closer to the basement, Courage realized that Computer wouldn't know that there was a flight of stairs behind that door, and tried to stop him before he accidentally sent them both tumbling down into the basement.

“Computer, wait! There's a-”

Too late, Computer wrenched open the door and was moving so quickly that he didn't even notice that the stairs were there. It was only Courage's quick movement that caught him by the ears before he went crashing down the steps.

“See!” He hissed.

“J-just shut up and close the door!” Computer ordered.

Not a second before the door clicked shut did the front door open and Eustace came tromping in from the rain. Courage watched through the keyhole as the old man sat down in one of the chairs. He was looking unusually haggard, dressed in a yellow raincoat and soaked to the bone.

“The usual, I suspect?” Jean Bon asked. “So, what brings you here this fine evening?”

Eustace ran a boney hand down his face, further cementing how tired he looked. “Trouble, lots of trouble.” He said in a weary voice. “Been up all day and night in this godforsaken rain.”

“And why's that?”

“The darn dog! That's why!” He yelled. “He was sick, really sick. Doctor said the best thing we could do for him was to put him down. The day we took him there they had this big breakout. All the dogs escaped, couldn't find even one of 'em. Got a call from those veterinarian folk yesterday evening. Muriel's been out looking for that darn dog ever since. Haven't slept a wink since! We've been up looking for him all over Nowhere!”

Courage felt his breath catch in his chest. He had to go out there. He needed to tell them that he was alright. They wouldn't dare take him back to the vet, not now. It wouldn't be right to leave them looking for him like this. He couldn't bear to keep Muriel worrying while he was off on some mountain.

Eustace continued on, “Muriel's been worried sick. She keeps talking like this is all her fault. Keeps saying that the dog knew what was coming, that we didn't have the right to put him through it. Thinks he hasn't come back because he hates her now. I keep telling her she's going to catch her death out in this rain, but she just won't listen! Her voice is practically gone from calling that darn dog's name all day!”

Courage winced. He needed to go out there! There was no changing his mind now. He didn't even care if they really did take him back to the veterinarian office! He just needed to tell Muriel that he was alright. He couldn't leave her like this!

His paw had barely touched the doorknob when Computer pulled him back. The glowing dog shook his head.

“I have to go out there!” He sharply whispered at the machine.

“Are you insane?” He asked, just barely keeping his voice quiet enough not to be heard.

“They wouldn't take me back to that place now! I-I can't keep them worrying about me like this!”

“How can you be certain of that? I am 'not' battling anymore janitors for your sake, dog! We need to stay put!”

“Computer, please!” He begged.

The machine kept a firm grip on his arm. The both glared viciously at each other while Eustace waited for his supper.  

“I'm not going to forgive you for this.” Courage growled in a low voice.

“I'm doing this for both of our sakes, dog!” Computer adamantly replied. “I refuse to let us be handed back over to those awful people just because you think that stupid, old woman actually cares about you! She tried to have you put down once and she'll do it again if she thinks that it's the right thing to do for you!”

Courage grit his teeth. “Let go!” He yelled, keeping his voice just barely under a whisper.

“That's not happening, dog!”

With the horrible images stuck in his mind of Muriel wandering through the dark, calling out his name in the endless downpour, Courage angrily shoved Computer and they both lost their balance. The two of them went tumbling down the staircase and the moment they landed, Courage grabbed the machine by the skin of his neck, teeth grit, and came far too close to punching him seconds before he realized what he was doing. He had been about to do the one terrible thing that he had promised he would never do again. Somehow he had let his temper get the better of him yet again.

“Let go of me, you idiot!” Computer exclaimed. He apparently had not noticed what had almost happened.

Courage flung himself backwards, his insides twisting up with guilt at the thought of his temper almost getting the better of him again. How could he have been so stupid? All it would have taken is one punch to destroy what little trust he and Computer had gained since their time in the forest.

“Ugh, did you have to make us fall down the steps?” Computer groaned, rubbing the back of his head.

“S-sorry.” Courage sighed.

“Look, you can't just go off and show yourself to them!” He went on. “You put too much trust into those old idiots! They would take you back to the veterinarians and those people would be unimaginably angry with you! They'd probably beat you to death, or worse! If one thing is for certain, you wouldn't be 'put to sleep' in a pleasant fashion!”

“Alright, I get it.” Courage groaned, sitting down onto a step. “But I'm not going to feel good about it.”

“And beside all that, what would become of me if they didn't take you back to the vet? The last time Eustace saw me, he knocked me out cold! He'd never let you take another dog home with him, and I do not want to be left out here all by myself either!”

“I-I'm just worried about Muriel, that's all!” He argued. “She's going to worry herself to death and it'll be all my fault!”

“Better to have her worry than to have her send you off to your execution.”

“I-I know, I know.” Courage sighed, wearily rubbing his eyes.

“And don't you dare think that I'm stupid either!” He went on, but there was a surprising amount of reluctance in his voice. “I-I saw what you just tried to do! You were giving me that same look you had back in the forest, back when you were about to-” He winced and turned away.

Courage jumped back up onto his feet. “Computer, I swear, I wasn't-”

The machine shook his head. All of his anger and annoyance seemed to have left him. “It's fine.” He muttered out. “I don't really care. I guess I am used to this sort of thing after all.” He was trying to sound reasonable, but there was an obvious fearful air to his tone.

Courage could all but feel their trust crumbling right before his very eyes. With a sigh, the machine pushed past him and started to walk back up the steps. Courage was unhappy to find that his mind seemed to have gone blank as he desperately tried to figure out something to say.

“C-Computer, wait!” He finally called out, racing halfway up the staircase to meet up with him. He grabbed one of the machine's arms to stop him. “Look, I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry! If I ever try to punch you again, I want you fight back. Punch me as hard as you can, got it?”

Computer did a double take. “A-are you nuts? Of course not!” He exclaimed. “I'm not about to go around punching people!”

“Just do it!” Courage pleaded. “It'll knock some sense back into me, I promise. It's only right that if I start punching you, you punch me back.”

“Or it'll just make you even more angry, and then you'll get even more violent.” The machine grumbled under his breath.

“I won't, I promise!”

“It doesn't matter either way.” He listlessly sighed.

“Computer!”

“Just drop it!”

“But, I-”

“Drop it!” He growled.

The two of them waited at the top of the stairs, neither daring to speak to one another after that. Eustace finished up his dinner and then left in complete silence. The minute they were certain the truck was gone, Courage opened the door again.

Jean Bon gave them a rather funny look. Courage opened his mouth to say something, but the unusually sullen pig cut him off. “You don't gotta say anything, I understand. I won't breathe a word of anything to anyone. I dunno know what you two are up to, but I wouldn't keep that little lady worrying about you, if you get what I mean.”

“I know...” Courage sighed.

He paid Jean Bon heartily for the food, and with a shudder at the thought of going back out into the rain, readied himself to leave.

“You sure you don't want this last cup of coffee?” Jean Bon asked Computer, who had mostly been keeping to himself since they came back upstairs.

He nodded and a small flicker of happiness almost seemed to light up his already glowing eyes. He had just barely clasped his paws around the cup when Courage half jokingly said, “I thought I said no more coffee?”

The machine flinched, and while he hastily attempted to put the cup back onto the counter, it slipped out of his paws. It immediately hit the ground and shattered into a thousand pieces, splashing both dogs with hot coffee.

“Ah, geez!” He exclaimed, reaching up to wipe his face off. He quickly turned to Courage, and looking surprisingly distraught, apologized.  

“Don'tcha worry about that. I'll go get a mop.” Jean Bon spoke, his jolly attitude remaining despite the smashed cup.

“Hey, are you going to be alright?” Courage asked, leaning in closer to his dismayed friend.

“I-I'm fine.” The machine replied, putting on a surprisingly nervous smile.

“If it's because of what happened in the basement, I'm really sorry about that. I-”

“Seriously, dog. It's fine, really!” The machine went on, putting on an even more pathetic looking smile.

“Look, we can talk about this later, but now isn't the right place or time.” Courage said under his breath.

Computer shook his head. “If you want me to give up this coffee stuff, I will. I promised that I'd start being nicer to you and I haven't exactly been doing a very good job of that. I'll listen to your orders from now on, I swear! B-besides, this coffee stuff is p-probably bad for you anyway! A-all the things you organic creatures make is bad for you!”

Orders? Courage could hear a slight edge of panic in his tone. He had obviously taken their basement argument the wrong way, but there was nothing that could be done about it right now. Courage silently cursed himself for being such an idiot.

Jean Bon re-entered the room. “You two can go, I'll clean this up! You both have a good night now, won't you? Wish this rain would let up, but hey, you gotta deal with the cards you're given, right?”

Courage returned his kindly farewell and both he and Computer headed back out into the rain. It had only gotten worse while they were inside and now the wind was blowing even more vigorously.

“Got any ideas of where we should stay for the night?” Courage asked, turning to the glowing dog.

“A motel, perhaps? We could go wait for our bus, but I'd rather not sit out in this weather.”

Courage could easily see his fever acting up in the cold like this. “Alright, we'll find a motel. But if it has the name Katz on it, start running in the other direction!”

End Of Chapter